Mamma Needs a Break

I've been a bit emotional this week (thanks hormones) and I had my first "Mommy needs a break" moment. Last weekend, Rico had lots of plans. That meant I was watching Eli, like a lot. 

During an alumni game.

After the game while Rico went for drinks.

The next day when he went to work on the house.

During the couple hours he was getting ready for/ doing the draft.

Before I knew it, the weekend was over and I felt like it never started.

Don't get me wrong, I love my little baby and spending time with him, but I look forward to weekends just like working people do so I can get a little relief by having a partner to help me out. Even if it is just being able to have someone to hold Eli so I don't have to plan 5 hours in advance how I am going to squeeze a shower in- that kind of freedom on the weekend is VERY freeing.

I also know that Rico needs downtime too, and to be honest a lot of what was letting me get so down about it all was that I didn't have something planned. I had some fun-times jealousy going on.

I know every stay at home mom goes through this at one point or another.

That moment where your husband comes home and you've reached the breaking point and he had no idea it was coming. 

So, poor Rico got the, "I need to go somewhere tonight" talk, with the look that said I meant business.

"Where?" 

"Anywhere that is alone"

It sounds so harsh…not as harsh as "anywhere but with the baby", but yes, that IS what I was saying. It sounds horrible, it really does, but I NEEDED it. 

I feel silly complaining. I have an AMAZING network of people that help me LITERALLY every day. 

I walk to my parents' house everyday and we spend the morning with them so I can get breakfast…

I have amazing in-laws that watch Eli so I can make dinner.

I have it pretty dang easy. 

But here's the thing, I am still in mom mode. 

I still have to think about when he last napped and how many hours he has been awake so I know when he needs to go back down.

I still have to think about when he last ate, and how long, so I know when to expect crankiness or naps for the day so I can try to plan my day around that (for example, I can't feed him at 10:30 and expect to then go home from my parents' house because he'll be sleepy and if I put him in the car seat he'll wake up. Yes he'll go back to sleep in the car, but he'll be up again when I have to get him out. If that happens then there goes one nap for the day, and he'll be really grumpy for the next few hours and I can kiss the rest of the afternoon goodbye). 

Every action has a counter action.

It is a domino effect and my mind is constantly busy thinking about those things, EVEN IF someone else is holding him.

When to change his clothes.

When to change a diaper.

When to run an errand.

When I can get a shower.

Whether he goes to sleep in our room or his crib.

Whether or not to swaddle.

How much time he spends laying down.

If he's had enough calm play time.

If he's had enough sleep.

If he's had the right number of diapers.

All of these seem like simple decisions or easy tings to note, but when you think about them ALL the time, and the repercussion for not thinking 12 steps ahead on any one of these decisions is a screaming baby who is sad or scared or overly tired or overstimulated- you get drained. 

You want a moment to think about nothing.

So, I escaped to Target. I wandered the aisles. 

Yes, I ended up only buying things for Eli.

Yes, I still had to plan out feedings and dinner and naps in order to do it. 

But I did it.

and it was good.

Why share this:

1- I want to look back and read these and remember these feelings. (I am sure I will look back and laugh at how small my problems were)

2- I think almost everyone goes through this

3- It explains why my next post seems so super awesome. We do a lot of fun things. BUT, this weekend we really did a LOT. One of the reasons this weekend was SO very awesome was that Rico knew how I was feeling- and he also knew that he was going to be abandoning me all Saturday to do his big fantasy draft in KC (and to have some guy time that he had planned months ago that involved NOT having a baby nearby). 

He knew I was going to need all the Rico time I could get outside of that Saturday. And boy oh boy did he deliver. I had a blast.

THANK GOODNESS I have such a thoughtful, helpful, and considerate husband.