There were lots of questions.
There were lots of answers.
Some were basic ("You don't smoke, drink, cuss, take drugs, right"),
some were thought provoking ("Even with only 1 embryo, you do realize there is a chance of twins (dramatic pause) or even triplets?"),
but most of them wouldn't interest you.
Here are some of the more entertaining highlights:
1) There was a guy training alongside the doctor. We got to talking about our kids and he said something about how he prefers them after they turn one. I agreed and wanted to go on and on about how that's one thing people don't get about this gestational carrier thing. They all think I'm going to have a hard time seeing the baby and not wanting a baby to take home.
I'm not a baby person.
I think I can say it with little to no shame now.
I love Eli, but that was more in SPITE of him being a baby, not because of.
My heart didn't "Explode with love" the second I laid eyes on him. I didn't "Feel emotions I had never felt before" when I held him for the first time.
Unless that feeling was an overwhelming sense of responsibility.
Don't get me wrong, babies are cute. Specifically, OTHER PEOPLE'S babies are cute. Like my nieces. Or my friends kids. You know, the ones that you can hold, and then when they get fussy you can hand them back because "Oh, I think they need their mommy" which is code for "Good luck with that, I'll just be over here snacking"
If I could just be a grandma- that would really be ideal.
2) The doctor was asking about how conceiving, pregnancy, labor, and postpartum went with Eli.
"No problem, faster than expected"
"No problem, easier than expected"
"No problem, no complications, and beautiful"
"No problem….oh wait. There WAS that "vaginal demolition"
Doctor: "excuse me, vaginal what?"
Me: "I know, right? What a HORRIBLE name, but that's what the insurance company called it"
after I explained that it was really just the removal of granular tissue he went on…
Doctor: "And did the doctor indicate that you shouldn't have another vaginal birth?"
*I tried really hard not to laugh at this point.
Me: "No, not at all"
Doctor: "Do you feel like it was difficult enough that you wouldn't want to have another vaginal birth?"
What I SAID: "No, not at ALL"
What I WANTED to say: "I would be, like, the WORST gestational carrier EVER if I offered to carry a baby and hadn't thought through if I would actually be ok with delivering that baby."
3) But, the who's-crazy-now table turned pretty quickly when he asked about medications I was taking.
Me: "Just a pre-natal"
after a pause….
Me: "Oh, and I just finished my placenta capsules"
Dr.: "I'm sorry, your what?"
He proceeded to ask me questions like "Who did this for you" and "So, they let someone leave with it?" "What is the process to encapsulate?" "How many capsules did you take" "How much does this cost?" and my FAVORITE "So, whose placenta was this?" and other questions that led me to believe that he thought I called up a local shaman to cleanse my aura and then throw my placenta in a ziplock baggie to some unsanitary field to say some prayers over it and shove it into capsules. (all of these things by the way are, like, the opposite of what really happens)
I wanted to be like, "Dude, I'm not crazy. I know right now you think I am crazy, but I'm not. Please still let me have this baby, I won't make anyone else ingest my placenta (except me)"
I think I may have been his first.
I texted my husband: "It went well. My uterus looks good. The doctor thinks I'm a crazy hippie, but they didn't take any blood, so it's a win."
Speaking of my uterus, it was cool to get to see it without a baby. He showed me (and measured) my uterus from lots of different angles, and my ovaries. I even got some bonus info that they look like they produce a good number of eggs- not important until we are ready to try, but fun to note never the less.
He showed me using a vaginal ultrasound, which was much less awkward than I remember it being.
As he left he said, "We'll let you re-gain your modestly and re-join us in the office" and I wanted to be like, "Dude, if having a doctor do a vaginal ultrasound makes me question my modesty, we've got some big problems headed our way." Having already played my "crazy placenta midwife lady" card, I opted to reserve that little gem.
Instead I put on my underwear and greeted him literally 2 seconds later.
"That was fast" he said.
Well doc, I wore a dress and flip flops for a reason. This isn't my first rodeo.
*also of note, apparently I have a subconscious desire to call this man "Dude"
4) I got to ask my questions. One that had really been a fear of mine got answered quickly and easily. I wondered if the hormones I would be taking might negatively impact my chances of conceiving in the future (Brown baby #2). I was really thinking he would say "In a small number of women…blah blah blah", but he pretty much wiped that fear away and said that there should be no reason for me to worry about that. Well, gee, I wish I would have know that a month ago. I mean, that would have REALLY simplified the contract writing part of this process. I was over here worried about something that he's telling me is a non-issue.
The up-side: what great news! That is a huge weight off my shoulders.
5) As he was leaving the room I thought of one last thing, "Oh, I forgot to tell you, I am afraid of needles" I didn't see his face, but I didn't need to. Props to him for not face-palming, especially since we JUST finished the placenta conversation.
I quickly followed it up with, "Which I realize I am going to need to get over pretty quickly" so he didn't think I was a naive idiot. Needles are one hurdle still left to be jumped. Mentally, I think I have convinced myself that if I can squeeze a fat roll before putting a needle in it, it will be ok. I'm not sure why that makes it seem more ok, but it does. So, hopefully that will be the case. If not, I'll get through it.
In general, I left the appointment feeling like they were very serious about what they do. They wanted what was best for everyone. They felt the weight of this process, and wanted to make sure that I did too. I felt like they were protective over both the parents, and me- almost in a parental way, not with a favorite, but with the best interests of everyone in mind.
Now, hopefully they don't write "Vaginally-demolished-crazy-hippie with fear of needles" in my chart and then we'll be just fine.
Or do, that's fine, I'll own it.
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