What's a Doula?

I feel like I should be saying, "Nothin' what's a doula with you?" but really, this is one of the most asked questions we get about our birth choices…and one that we really struggled with for a while ourselves.

Here's OUR vision (obviously you choose someone who matches what you want) 

Our doula is there to support me- by supporting Rico. 

She knows labor in and out. She knows what positions help, she knows what relaxation techniques will help, and what things I need to do even though I may not want to. She's focused on me while the midwife and nurses focus a little more on health and safety. She remembers all those little things like to make sure I eat and go to the bathroom so they don't turn into bigger problems down the road (like- oh, she got dehydrated and now needs an iv) 

She assists the midwives and nurses by relaying their messages to me. Almost like a translator. This sounds silly, but apparently I'm going to get very, oh here's that word everyone keeps using, "primal", and that may keep me from being my normal "I follow all directions to a tee the first time you ask" self. She once described herself as a parrot for the midwives. Another tool to help them to get me to do what I need to do to get Eli here safely. 

She documents moments so we can remember our birth experience after all the hormones kick in and start erasing those little details that could so easily be forgotten.

Most importantly, in my eyes, she is the person whispering in Rico's ear what to do to help me. She is the person reminding him of all the things he learned in Bradley class. When Rico has to be my brain and voice because mine aren't working, she is HIS. She lets HIM be the hero. She allows HIM to balance the role of labor coach and loving partner without getting too lost in either one. 

A few things she said in our initial interview that let me know she was "the one" (picking a doula really is like dating): 

#1"I know I've done my job if the mom says "You know, I really don't think we needed her" and the dad gets a look of panic on his face and thinks, "Oh, you have no idea how much we did!"

#2 "He may be so physically drained (from massaging, providing counter pressure, being your squatting bar, etc) that he needs me to take over, OR you may just like the way I do something better, OR you may just want to hear a female voice or hear from someone that's been there. But, most likely, you don't want to see MY face and hear MY voice. You want to see RICO'S face and hear HIS voice because it is the face and voice that you trust your whole life to. You'll want HIM to be the one holding you up. You'll want HIM. I am just there to help him to remember how to best help you"

#3 When we were honest about our initial thinking, "Do we really need a doula?" she reminded of us of a very important factor we had yet to consider: 

"You love this woman more than anything else on earth. "

(she paused here so he could really focus in on the enormity of his love) 

"But, you've never seen her this vulnerable. You've never seen her in this kind of pain." 

She went on in her own words to explain:  it isn't just HER brain that is going to over-ride the logical, yours will too. You can study and know cognitively what to do. 

If someone were to write it down in a story problem, you could give the correct response as to what plan of action should follow. The problem is that when you see the person you love the most in the world in pain, you just want to make it go away. 

Your logic stops working as well.  

She's had a lot of other gems too, but those were three that stood out to me.  

That ANNNNND it doesn't hurt that she got super excited about fun labor facts like I do. 

ANNNNNNND she happens to remind us of our friend Maggie. 

ANNNND she loves God.

ANND she is SO normal. She would be someone I would want to hang out with. She's approachable granola. 

AND she cloth diapers, so we get to ask her lots of those annoying questions too.

But, what's a doula? 

She's an undercover birth hero.