I Get to Be The One: Push it REAL good

Pushing.

Pushing is hard.

Understatement of the year, right?

Let me describe this a little better, figuring out how to push is hard.

My doula’s notes from the labor said, “Alli began bearing down and soon after she began pushing during contractions.” I STILL have no idea the difference between the two. Later the notes said “She pushed perfectly” so apparently it doesn’t matter that I didn’t know.

My vocalizations/ low moans/ sex noises soon became low…what word could I use here? Growls? I wasn’t screaming, screaming is high and panicked. I wasn’t panicked. Really.

I could feel each contraction coming to help me push my baby out. I waited for them, and when they came I pushed- HARD, and loud.

I do remember thinking that I hoped no one was on tour because I would certainly scare them away from labor. It sounded worse than it was. Wait, that might be a lie.

Here’s the thing. I knew each contraction would end. I wanted to push- it felt MUCH better than trying NOT to push. It took me a while to get the hang of pushing. At this point I remember starting to tune in to the midwife’s voice. By noon, they could see Eli’s head during pushes. She had me open my eyes so she could show me how much of his head was visible. I specifically remember two pieces of advice she gave me that made ALL the difference:

1- curl up AROUND Eli for each contraction (before that I had apparently been arching my back up and out of the water)

2- “Use those rectal muscles- don’t be afraid of pooping” (I won’t lie, as much as I tell my parenting classes that it is a very natural thing to poop during labor and that you shouldn’t be ashamed of it…I still didn’t want to do it. I didn’t THINK that it was something that was on my mind, but clearly subconsciously it was. And in case you were wondering- I am pretty darn sure I didn’t. I can’t be 100% sure, because it’s not like they are going to announce it, but I asked Rico later)

I would say that the most MOTIVATING thing I heard in labor was probably from Katie and Rebecca. They were watching my belly, and with certain contractions they said they could literally SEE him moving down. The awe in their voices made me feel proud. They had me open my eyes to show me how much lower the top of my belly was- HOLY MOLEY- he really was on the move!

They continued to monitor Eli’s heart tones under the water during contractions. I remember hearing the numbers. I remember listening to the numbers go down slowly- but everyone stayed calm. She suggested that I try to get on my left side in the tub. Hmmm. OK.

I also remember (earmuffs to the squeamish) her going in and tickling the top of his head, I assumed to try to stimulate his heart rate- but I don’t actually know.

The left side thing wasn’t working for Eli, and it wasn’t working for me either. I remember the midwife, serious voice on, saying “Get out of the tub”.

She wasn’t panicked, she was very calm, but she meant it. Almost like a mother who sees her kid ABOUT to do something wrong, but they haven’t done it quite yet.

I’m not sure that anyone expected the speed with which I followed her directions. Later, she said she’d never seen anyone get out of the tub quite that quickly before.

What can I say, I am a rule follower.

Tell me to get out- and I GET OUT.

In fact, I got out so quickly and started walking to the bed that people had to catch up with me. I think they expected me to stand…get dried off….and eventually waddle over to the bed. Nope- I wanted to make it to the bed before the next contraction. I was a woman on a mission.

I did ALMOST slip, but I had people (I couldn’t tell you who if you offered me 1 million dollars to remember) holding my elbows on either side.

That brings us to my FAVORITE moment of labor.

Hands down.

This is odd, because it was during what should have been the scariest part of labor (I wasn’t scared, but Rico was)

Oh it gives me goosebumps to think about it.

Even though I am sure people had been telling me- I had no idea how far along I was in labor. I thought I still hadn’t crowned yet.

When I stood up out of the tub and started walking- I FELT HIS HEAD BETWEEN MY LEGS as I walked.

Just imagine that for a moment.

Like many other things in labor, it felt exactly like you think it would feel- unless you imagined pain. No pain, just AWESOME.

So, I got to the bed and pushed some on my back, and some on my side with my legs pulled back. I don’t remember these at ALL. I read through my doula’s notes on my labor and got to this point and asked my husband, “That’s not right is it, I went straight to the peanut didn’t I?”

He assured me that Rebecca had it right.

It’s amazing what your body forgets.

I DO remember them getting the peanut, a birthing ball shaped like a peanut. I leaned over the front in an all 4’s position (this was how I had imagined laboring whenever I guessed how labor might look)

Rico was up near my face, doing his awesome coachy things- which is fine by me because even I get a little squirmy when I watch labor in that position- I mean it is a FULL show. At 12:24 his head was out.

Katie ( http://www.joyfulbeginningskc.com ) caught this moment in the most AMAZING photo-

but that one stays with me.

Even Rico had to admit it is an amazingly cool photo (he tried to give me grief about how excited I got about it- until HE saw it)

I could feel his head. I knew exactly what was happening. It took only 1 more contraction, I think, (and 1 minute) to get his shoulders out. Again, I could picture exactly what was happening, and it helped motivate me to push.

At one point while I was pushing, I remember the midwife telling me to give slow, controlled pushes now. I had another rare moment of a complete and lucid thought, “Just like on call the Midwife!” (a PBS show I watch where they almost always have a moment where they instruct them to change their pushing from hard and powerful to smaller and controlled).

Once his shoulders were out, he was out. The midwife told me to reach underneath me and “Pick up your baby”.

There he was.

In my arms.

Screaming.

It was like the lights turned on.

I picked him up and she had to remind me to not go too far- he was still attached by his umbilical cord!

Eli came straight to my chest for some skin to skin. We requested that his vernix be rubbed in rather than wiped off in our birth plan, so I got him nice and messy.

We waited for the cord to stop pulsing, and then they clamped it and had Rico cut it. It took two cuts…it was thicker than he imagined it would be.

I still needed to deliver the placenta. Here is the deal- I didn’t like this. I didn’t like this at all. They “massaged” me through my stomach, and all I could think was

#1- OUCH!

#2- I just want this delivered so I can feed my baby!

#3- My cute pregnant belly is so squishy- booooo

#4- Ouch, again.

#5- I miss Labor Land. Remember how I said that the second I delivered Eli, it was like the lights came on? Well, that is great in most ways- but it DID mean that I left the safe little world of “labor land” where I was only partially aware of the world around me and I felt only a portion of what was happening. Now- now I was experiencing it ALL, in full force. So, while it wasn’t really painful (more uncomfortable), it WAS very REAL and I was very PRESENT for the discomfort. I wanted a ticket back to labor land.

So: I pushed, they pressed, and I pushed some more. Out it came. Again, it felt EXACTLY like I thought it would.

Squishy.

Wet, and squishy.

Sorry, there is no better way to describe it.