It's going to be long….you've been warned.
The Build Up:
In the weeks before the due date, we were all just throwing darts at when the baby might arrive. I don't get checked (because it tells you very little- I mean I could be 3cm but that doesn't tell me anything about when baby will come. For example, my sister was a 4 for weeks before she went into labor while I went from a 7 to a 10 in just minutes).So we waited. All I had to report was that Yes, I did feel like I was dilating and Yes, I was losing my mucus plug slowly… and some hours NOT so slowly. I was seeing a chiropractor (my midwife's husband actually) weekly, and this week he told me I was finally starting to get a little more elastic, Apparently I had some ligaments that were behaving themselves quite well and indicated that I might have a good labor. We all got more and more excited as the due date approached. I got together a 9 hour playlist of music to birth to, all my birth quote cards (only THREE had to be re-worded to make sense for birthing a baby that isn't mine!),
and my essential oils (These roller balls were SUPER cute, and my color coded system was a sure fire hit until Rico's phone deleted the chart saying what everything was. Not Cool. I figured it out eventually and wrote a legend on the actual box)
I was feeling good, even building, working, and tearing down my "Fall Fest" station at work in the days before. A great way to channel nesting energy.
Strangers seemed more concerned that he'd be coming at any moment than me. I just kept saying, "He'll come when he's ready. I'm not in a rush." Although, I was VERY thankful he didn't decide to make his entrance when I was wearing this:
I also started finding myself getting last details ready for the delivery, including a prayer list.
Here's what I was praying for:
-The parents will make it on time and safely (reminder: it is a 4 hour drive)
-Stress to get here wouldn't trigger an attack for mom and she will be able to be every bit as present and involved as she wants to be without limitations from her disease
-Our team (Rico, the parents, midwife, doula, birth photographer, OB, and nurses) would work seamlessly together in joy and peace: each valuing, respecting, and enhancing the skill sets they each bring to the team
-Labor is able to progress without interventions and baby is healthy
-That I am able to maintain freedom of movement all the way through delivery
-That fear be kept far away this entire process- for everyone involved. That fear is replaced by trust and calm when it does try to creep in
-That baby is able to go straight to mom and dad for skin to skin and his first moments with his family are blissful and worry free
-That there will be an extra room available for them to bond in privacy
-Quick healing for me- and an early release from the hospital
-That the parents would get to be the ones to introduce me to the baby
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: If you skip everything else, that God is central during the entire labor/delivery. That His hand and guidance is clear and evident. That there is an overwhelming sense of this being HIS story and to HIS glory. That His sovereignty, power, grace, and goodness is FELT by everyone involved.
In fact, I shared this with one of my friends, and my small group prayed for these things the night labor started.
Labor Begins!
I woke up at 3:45am (ON the due date) with a contraction. BUT, was it REALLY a contraction? I waited for a few more (about 4:15 am) to wake up Rico. We agreed that we should see if one more came before calling the parents. The official "hey- how about today for a birthday?" call came at 4:48am. She was SO happy. (it seems silly to say that, but her voice was IMMEDIATELY awake and cheerful and excited and ALL the good things you would expect). I told her we were still contracting about 15 minutes apart when she asked "Should we be running to the car?" and I said I thought they could get everything together and be calm and collected. *in retrospect, I'm glad they booked it, because they made it in PERFECT timing and that was going 90 mph most of the *normally* 4 hour drive*
During contractions I rolled on my birth ball or swayed leaning over our bed. Anything with movement felt better. I wasn't making any noises through most of them.
I contracted, then ate the same fried egg and spinach on wheat that I've had for breakfast EVERY day while pregnant.
I contracted, then showered. (I actually had a few contractions in the shower because it felt so good)
I contracted, then dried my hair. (actually, 3 breaks for contractions to get all this dry)
I contracted, then did my makeup.
I contracted, then updated the midwife.
I contracted, then curled my hair.
I contracted, then got out my labor outfit.
I contracted, then texted my friend who is a nurse at the birth center and had told me to let her know when I was ready so she could check on a nurse that would be good for my naturally minded birth plan (and so she could check on how full the birth center might be)
I contracted, then called my mom to get Eli.
I contracted, then put on my swimsuit to get ready for the tub.
I contracted, then said my good-byes to Eli. (7:15 ish)
As soon as Eli left, I got into our tub. Let me just say, this tub just got finished and cleaned less than a week ago. My brother in law was tiling the tub the week before and I kept thinking, "If I don't get to labor in this tub and I'm sitting on Eli's crocodile bath mat having contractions, that will be a real shame!" But it got done in time!
Before:
And After:
Once Eli had left with my mom, it was like my body was ready to REALLY start labor. And, as it turns out, it is the PERFECT laboring tub. It even has the perfect size wall to lean over.
My contractions got stronger, and I found myself starting to groan through them rather than stay silent.
Erik turned the lights out, put my labor play list on, put some "labor oil" in the tub (thanks to my last doula for that suggestion) and lit some candles while I contracted in the tub. I would lay back between contractions, then lean on the wall and sway in the tub during a contraction.
The bath plan was 2 fold:
1: Contractions were starting to get to the point I couldn't talk through them and I needed to concentrate. I knew water could help that.
2: I was A-OK with slowing labor down. I wanted to make sure the parents got here and I thought this might be a great way to labor slowly but comfortably.
Contractions picked up in both intensity and timing, and I started clearly moving into the "serious" sign posts of labor. I told Rico I wanted the midwife to come- I wanted her to be there to help us decide when to leave for the hospital.
He called her and she said she'd be over soon.
As he hung up, I started vomiting (a GREAT sign of progressing into the transition phase of labor). Rico called her right back and the plan changed to meeting the midwife at the hospital.
At this point, I didn't want to get in the car (yet ANOTHER great sign of transition), so Rico allowed me one more contraction in the tub before getting out. Then one more on the ball upstairs. Then one more (that I demanded turn into 2 more) on the ball downstairs (because getting in the car was NOT sounding fun…you can't contract on a birth ball in a car seat)
On the drive over we listened to more of my birth play list.My eyes stayed closed the whole time (again, another sign I am REALLY getting into labor- when my eyes close and don't open) I had 3 contractions on the drive over- 1 was really easy, the other two were not-so-fun. They also both occurred while we were on ramps and merging. I don't love merging. I REALLY don't love merging while in the middle of a contraction where I am stuck sitting.
Arriving at the Birth Center
Rico pulled up to the birth center and the midwife was waiting with a smile…and smelling all sorts of wonderful. I mean, she just smelled like "ahhhh, that's nice"
I looked at her and asked "Any chance they have a birth ball in that waiting room?" and then proceeded to have a contraction leaning on a handrail in the vestibule. We went to the desk for check-in, and they knew who we were and about our situation (shout out to my friend for setting us up for success).
1 contraction mid-paperwork
1 contraction waiting to be walked back to the room.
Both just leaning on the counter swaying. No ball. The midwife reminded me to relax my shoulders and encouraged me through them.
Back we went, to the last room in the hall. "Nice and quiet" the nurse assured me (which could be code for: We know you are going to be loud, so this room allows you to do so without scaring other patients. I totally made all that up, but I feel like it makes sense)
We're In the Room
The nurse told me it was time to get checked, I asked for a birth ball. The midwife started the tub so it could be ready once we were done getting checked. After a contraction on the ball, I laid on the bed to be checked.
Literally my first check this whole pregnancy.
AGGGGGGHHHH! No. Good. Ouch.
They couldn't get a good number. I remember hearing phrases like "It's hiding" or even something eluding to him possibly being posterior (alarm bells started going off in my head). This "check" felt like it was lasting an eternity. It hurt. It hurt worse than my contractions. It hurt a LOT.
I remember the midwife saying, "Maybe she's complete" and I thought "Yes, yes, that. Please be that"
Then finally the nurse (I assume- I don't know, my eyes were closed) found what she was looking for- I believe I heard that it was off to the side. She called it at a 7, maybe an 8.
Bulging sack (ie: water hadn't broken yet)
I could handle that.
That was a good place to be.
They asked for my birth plan, and the nurse read it over carefully. THANK YOU NURSE!
While she was doing that, the midwife was whispering a prayer into my ear. Rico was a few feet away silently doing the same.
This. THIS is so unbelievably powerful to a woman who is at her most vulnerable.
Being in the hospital is not my comfort zone. This prayer was like a re-set of all those flurried feelings of getting checked in and getting to the room and putting things away, and unfamiliar lights sounds smells and people. I was back in my zone. My eyes closed again and I was ready to lean into this.
Another contraction was coming. "GET ME OFF THIS BED AND OFF MY BACK" was what I could remember thinking. I believe what I might have said was "BALL!". I got down and onto the ball awkwardly. That was the worst contraction. That one right there- crooked on the ball.
That's when it happened.
The Urge to Push
(I had told the midwife at our last appointment that my last birth I hadn't felt the need to push, and that I think that is why I felt like such a failure at pushing. She assured me that we would wait for that urge this time)
I did it though. I was a total stereotype. I said, "I need to poop" (sorry folks, this is real talk)
Even as I said it I was like, "That can't be right!"
The midwife asked "Are you sure you don't need to push?"
I said no. (I said no?!)
What?! That makes no sense. Everything I know about labor- everything RICO knows about labor says- "Hey, you are ready to push", but maybe my mind wasn't ready to accept that yet.
The parents weren't there.
The midwife brought me to the bathroom.
My water broke on the toilet during a contraction.
Handy.
I heard my friend at this point, she got to be our nurse. My eyes were closed and I wasn't really focused on much of anything except contractions- but I remember hearing her voice as she listened to the baby's heartbeat and thinking, "Oh good, she's here!"
(this picture is actually of us after the birth- but I wanted to show her off because she was so wonderful and it was so amazing that SHE, the girl who works only 2 nights a week, was the one who got to be there.)
The midwife had already set up my diffuser with my oils, she got the lights dimmed, my music was playing. She'd filled the tub with warm water. I thought she was with me every second, so she must have used her super ninja midwife skills to transform the space. Keep in mind, we had only bee in the room MAYBE 10 minutes at this point.
The bathroom door was shut- and apparently just outside that door it started getting CRAZY. If you've been in a hospital delivery room, you know that when it's time, nurses and staff appear as if from no where. Now ALSO imagine this situation:
add 2 midwives
add the parents (who I didn't know at the time had arrived, but were coming in)
add grandma
That's a lot of people. And it's a flurry, because at this point I had likely only been in the room a little over 10 minutes and they could hear that I was ready to push. Rico heard them calling the OB and telling him it was TIME.
Lots of phones ringing. Lots of people shuffling. Lots of equipment being laid out. Lots of excitement as the parents arrived. Just LOTS.
LOTS isn't great when you are laboring. But that's what is so great about having the midwife there.
I was unaware of everything going on out in the room.
She'd shut the door.
I was protected in my little bathroom cocoon of dark, quiet, positive reinforcement (from my midwife and Rico), and essential oils filling the air. Rico said the diffuser was even rolling through some nice colors, but my eyes were closed, so that detail was lost on me.
Seriously, we'd been there only minutes and already she'd made the room into everything I had wanted.
I was able to stay calm and focused because my room was calm and focused.
She was calm and focused.
Rico was calm and focused.
Oh, She's gooood.
Then it happened:
The Parents Arrive!
The midwife whispered, "They're here!" and the mom came in to my quiet little bathroom cocoon.
I had a rare moment of opening my eyes.
I wanted to take this moment in.
I wanted my body to SEE and FEEL and UNDERSTAND that now it was ok. NOW he could come.
She said lots of sweet and wonderfully perfect things, none of which I can remember.
She was thankful, kind, and so excited.
She kept her voice calm and was so wonderful about maintaining that environment of joy and peace she knew was important to me.
The next contraction I could feel him coming. This wasn't happening in a bathroom.
Nope, nope, nope.
I know that is silly, and I know it is a perfectly good place to have a baby- but not this baby.
Not today.
(I don't think anyone was going to go for that, it wasn't just me thinking it)
The midwife said I could have one more contraction in the bathroom and then we would move to the room to deliver (she also said the photographer wasn't there yet, so if I could lean back and breathe through this next one it might help slow us down. Boy I tried. I mean, this photographer is like THE dream birth photographer that I've followed since we moved home)
After that contraction, up I got. Again, just like my labor with Eli, I was able to walk across the room and feel the baby so far down I'm sure that I looked like I was riding a horse as I walked.
What a motivator though- I mean, there was NO guessing that he was coming when you can literally feel him.
I climbed up onto the bed and leaned over the back. This was the position I had envisioned ever since taking the tour of the birth center. I'd told everyone weeks beforehand, so I'm pretty sure they all expected it. Like, literally everyone in this picture had heard me say "Hey, pretty sure I will deliver on my knees while hanging over the back of the bed"
Sure enough:
And bonus: one of those questions people wonder, "What about modesty? Are you going to be flashing everyone?"
Check that out.
It was a 1 man show- and that man was the OB.
What an unexpected gift!
Another cool moment, right when we got ready to push, the song I SPECIFICALLY added to the play list for the mom ("The Rose", a song tied to her sorority) started playing. It's the only song I specifically remember hearing during the birth. It got quiet right then- like the room kind of paused to get ready. She said that when she heard it she lost it. I think it was just all becoming very real! She was moments away from meeting her baby!
Baby Arrives!
(Time to get in color here- otherwise it is too hard to see him!)
So, I got onto the bed and I was MORE than ready to push. In my mind it was 2 pushes- 1 for his head, and 1 for everything else. It may have been 4…I feel like I heard that number somewhere. Either way. It was fast. It felt exactly how you think it would feel. I don't have a better way to describe it.
It wasn't agonizing pain, in fact, it was nice to feel movement, to feel my contractions MOVING him down and out. It was rewarding to push.
Rico said he kept thinking, "Everyone is all gathered around, don't they know it might still be a bit? They might need to calm down". His only reference point was Eli's labor, where I had pushed for about an hour (in his mind it was 3…it was not 3)
So, when his head started coming immediately, Rico was the one surprised.
Here's his head….
Ahhhhh….there he is!
And a first peek at the knot in his cord.
Here's a better look at him! He cried immediately so everyone knew he was good! But seriously, look at that knot. It was a "true knot", something you don't see very often.
He went straight to mom and dad who cuddled him into quiet. He knows their voices from all the listening he had done with the belly buds throughout the pregnancy.
Before the midwives left, I asked Diedra to pray for us. She led us in a beautiful prayer over everyone and it was a perfect way to wrap up a beautiful experience.
There is one thing ABUNDANTLY clear- this baby KNEW his parents. In the next few hours (and days) he was just so calm and content being with them. He was with his people and that's all he needed!
(of note: Rico is super jealous of this. He's said multiple times: "Why couldn't Eli have been so chill and liked us right away?!"
I think the first thing I heard the mom and dad say was "He looks JUST like Dash!" Here were some of their first moments together.
Before the midwives left, I asked Diedra to pray for us. She led us in a beautiful prayer over everyone and it was a perfect way to wrap up a beautiful experience.
There is one thing ABUNDANTLY clear- this baby KNEW his parents. In the next few hours (and days) he was just so calm and content being with them. He was with his people and that's all he needed!
(of note: Rico is super jealous of this. He's said multiple times: "Why couldn't Eli have been so chill and liked us right away?!"
I think the first thing I heard the mom and dad say was "He looks JUST like Dash!" Here were some of their first moments together.
At this point, their story becomes THEIR story. I'm sure they have so many wonderful emotions and details to share, but those are theirs to share. I can only tell my part, because that's the only part I know. But man, can you just IMAGINE all those feelings? Just a flood of joy and completeness? Oooooh, I'm not sure how you would even find the words to describe that!
Their High Point, My Low (not what you think):
While they took him out to do skin to skin and try to absorb all the cuteness that was their new baby, I was getting to experience the low of any of my births. Here's the deal: I'm a bleeder. I mean, everyone bleeds, but I BLEED. This was further complicated by the fact that some of my placenta decided it wasn't going to detach. That's not ok. You HAVE to deliver it all. (PS- glad they caught this early and worked to get it out quickly- good work everyone!)
I had to flip over and lay down. Again, I do NOT like laying down on a hospital bed. Typically, nursing a baby would encourage the placenta to detach naturally, but I was for sure not doing that, so we tried some manual stimulation.
The OB tried some less invasive ways to get it out. It involved some form of twisting to try to get the rest to detach. That wasn't cutting it, so he had to get more aggressive. Yep, that's right, they had to go IN to my uterus and get it. I try not to be all "I didn't use medication" but at this point I would like to remind the world
"I DIDN'T HAVE MEDICATION!" because this. felt. horrible.
Pretty sure I made worse noises here than I did during delivery.
But it was needed.
Just because I don't like it doesn't mean I didn't need it.
I needed it.
Wish I didn't, but I did.
But it reallllllllly sucked.
Later, the midwife admitted that she wasn't sad that someone else had to do it. I would imagine that putting someone through that is NOT a highlight of anyone's job.
When the OB came to check on me the next morning I admitted,
"I couldn't remember if you made it to the delivery or not- but then I remembered you going in to get the rest of my placenta and I COULDN'T forget you!"
Here it is…oh, and look to the right and you can see the knot!
Once the placenta was out, I got stitched up (level 2 for the curious) and got a shot to stop the bleeding. I also finally had to get my IV.
Now, to the credit of my favorite nurse, HAD I been there earlier and let them put an IV in me BEFORE I lost all that blood, they likely WOULDN'T have had to poke and prod and literally dig around to find a spot for my IV.
Now, in retrospect I still wouldn't want an IV beforehand, because it freaks me out and limits my mobility and I think that would have caused a lot more issues for me than having to deal with them digging afterward. BUT, it was another not-so-great moment.
But, again, I needed it. All the blood loss meant I needed some fluids. My body is super obvious about these things. I turn white, my lips go pale, and my ears ring. 2 bags of fluid later I was feeling much better. In fact, good enough to meet the baby!
Meeting Baby:
It was a big deal to me that the mom would get to introduce me to the baby. I didn't want to see him until SHE got to show him to me. They'd had lots of good skin to skin time by this point and she'd gotten him all snuggled into his adorable blanket- with his NAME! It wasn't a secret any more! Baby Lawson Krue (they'll call him Krue) was the spitting image of his brother.
He was already peacefully sleeping on his mom and they were finally TOGETHER. I just kept thinking how he was finally HOME.
We spent the next few hours talking about how perfect this birth was. The timing, the people there, the music. Everything so clearly had God's hands ALLLLL over it.
And then they busted out the matching man-shirts. The dad came up with this plan at the gender reveal when he heard about the matching birth robes the mom had gotten for us. In the photographer's words: "Whew- there's a lot of print going on there!"
Meeting Big Brother:
They didn't have a room for them yet, so I got to be there to watch Krue meet his older brother. It's yet another one of those honors I accidentally get to be a part of.
It was ADORABLE. He kept opening up the baby's blanket like he was opening a present. Rico was sitting next to me and we were both just smiling ear to ear watching this new family in their first moments together. So. Much. Love.
Dash was so gentle and sweet with his brother.
The birth photographer caught a lot of this, so I think if you know the family, you'll get a sneak peak into just exactly how perfect these moments were.
And…eventaully, the dad got to hold him too. I loved watching his face each time he thought Krue was about to come to him and them boom- he'd be swooped up. He was so sweet with him and so excited to steal him away from everyone!
They were all (and I mean ALL- mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, PooBah (sp?), my mom, friends, I mean ALL) able to come be together in his first few hours and celebrate! There was crying, and LOTS of laughing. I had a cool angle from my bed, because I got to see it all. There are some perks to all the rooms being full! At one point I looked over from my bed and the grandma was doing the splits!
Then there were these moments, where I would look over from my bed and see them in their element. Another one of those little special moments I get the privilege of peeking in on.
So, there it is:
8 lbs and 3 oz.
20 inches
18 minutes from official hospital admittance to moment of delivery (9:46 am)
Less than an hour from actual moment we pulled into the parking lot
Almost exactly 6 hours from first contraction to moment of delivery.
And it all ended with this, a present for me with such a great meaning:
The mom and I have had many discussions about how there just aren't any words for how wonderful this has been.
I am so very lucky to have had this experience with this family.
Not lucky, blessed.
SO, so blessed.
Remember what I was praying for in all of this:
"If you skip everything else, that God is central during the entire labor/delivery. That His hand and guidance is clear and evident. That there is an overwhelming sense of this being HIS story and to HIS glory. That His sovereignty, power, grace, and goodness is FELT by everyone involved. "
And that's what we got.
That's what He gave us.
Remember what I was praying for in all of this:
"If you skip everything else, that God is central during the entire labor/delivery. That His hand and guidance is clear and evident. That there is an overwhelming sense of this being HIS story and to HIS glory. That His sovereignty, power, grace, and goodness is FELT by everyone involved. "
And that's what we got.
That's what He gave us.
